Check out my Bavarian Apple Tart!

Sheets

I have linen issues. I love linens - nice linens, expensive linens. I have 800 thread count taste on a jersey knit budget. Imagine my joy when yesterday while out with my mom I found 300 thread count, cream, egyptian cotton sheets! Normally $120 marked down to $30.

I treated myself to two sets :-)

Yea me! I made divinity for the first time and it turned out PERFECTLY!! Just like when my grandma used to make it.

My beloved husband adores divinity so I'm so happy that I can make it for him!

In mourning

I lost two good friends today.

My ever-faithful mixing bowl met an untimely death at the hands of my toddler. Normally locked safe and secure it a child-proof cabinet, little fingers managed to find it and "CRASH" it went onto my kitchen floor to be swept and vaccumed up to it's final resting place.

Alas, my favorite Princess House Fruit bowl met a similar fate as young toddler fingers sought a sweet and juicy orange they inadvertantly sent my precious bowl flying. I buried it in the same spot at my ever-faithful mixing bowl and shed a tear for both.

On a side note - my cheesecake for Thanksgiving turned out wonderfully! Not a crack in sight, rich and creamy and now delightfully wrapped and frozen for the holiday.

1. WITNESS PROTECTION NAME: (mother's & father's middle names)Marie Unknown
2. NASCAR NAME: (first name of your mother's dad, father's dad) Max Yeung
3. STAR WARS NAME: (the first 2 letters of your last name, first 4 letters of your first name)Ristep
4. DETECTIVE NAME: (favorite color, favorite animal)Blue Siamese
5. SOAP OPERA NAME: (middle name, city where you live)Ming Portland
6. SUPERHERO NAME: (2nd favorite color, favorite alcoholic drink, optionally add "THE" to the beginning)The Red Lemon Drop
7. FLY NAME: (first 2 letters of 1st name, last 2 letters of your last name)stds - YIKES!
8. GANGSTA NAME: (favorite ice cream flavor, favorite cookie) Mocha Almond Fudge Lemon Cookie
9. ROCK STAR NAME: (current pet's name, current street name) Snot Willamina
10. PORN NAME: (1st pet, street you grew up on) Toby 90th NW

Baking, Baking Away

I was a busy girl this last Saturday - baking away two birthday cakes. One cake was for a 50th b-day (my first paid job!) and the second was for a friend who loves his beer.

Here's some pictures of the cakes - everything is edible with the exception of the beer bottles, I didn't have it in me to make sugar candy bottles. As is, I was up to 11:30 last night decorating away.

Not doing so good

This diet thing...not so good.

Down 1.8 lbs! Oh yeah baby! Only 20 more to go!

Weigh in tomorrow....we'll see how I feel.

The Great Pizza Binge

Halloween night - all is dark and scary. Including what I haphazardly decided to have for dinner.

As you know I've been super dieter and so I decided to indulge in some tasty pizza for Halloween (which of course happens to be Ben's and Jack's favorite food).

We ordered pan pizzas from our local hut along with tasty breadsticks. All was good, I didn't overindulge to the point of being stuffed but I certainly ate my fair share of cheesy goodness. I felt fine - in fact, I felt great.

Flash forward to 2:30 in the morning and I was in AGONY. Cramping, gassy, bloated pain. I seriously thought I was going to die. Maximum strength GasX didn't even begin to touch my pain. As I rolled around in the fetal position I remembered why I don't eat like crap and why I'm on weight watchers eating mininmally processed foods - so I don't feel like this.

Lesson learned - stay away from the hut.

Oh, Great Temptation

I love cheesecake. I have mad love affairs with cheesecake. Crazy romances with cheesecake. Cheesecake and I have been in love for many years. We've loved each other through the turmoil of high school, the mid-term stresses of college, the hormonal rollercoaster of pregnancy and finally, we are trying to work on a relationship through the rites of motherhood.

I decided today that I need cheesecake. Afterall, I've behaved myself for quite sometime and am down 2.2 lbs. I told cheesecake, "Cake," (we're on a first name basis) "if you can behave yourself I'm willing to let you back in. There can be no more calorie laden magic moments however, we need to be in control. We need to practice some restraint. I'll bring the fork if you bring your self in a new outfit. I need you to come dressed in zero calorie, no sugar, fat free duds. I, in turn will make mad, satisfying love to you. I will savor every lick and taste. Sounds good?"

And so cake came, dressed to the nines as requested. Unfortuantely, neither I (nor apparently Jello pudding) could keep up our ends of the deal. Cake was less than satisfying. Cake tasted much like what I imagine Jackson's butt paste diaper rash cream would taste like if I put it on a graham cracker. Oh my heart - it broke. I was looking forward to an indulgent rendevous and instead walked away with an empty mouth and heart.

Little did I know that cake wasn't satisfied either. He hurriedly grabbed his new duds, dashed out the door and flew with amazing speed for a dairy based dessert to my mother's house where he convinced my grandmother to give him a new suit. A new, calorie laden, full fat, white granular sugared outfit that was designed to tease and tempt.

I looked. I gasped. I breathed in deep. My heart beat a little bit faster and I leaned forward and sniffed. Heavenly.

And slowly, ever so slowly I backed away.

I'm sorry cake - I want you so badly but I just can't. I have to be true to myself - I can't have you and everything else I want. Perhaps, perhaps another day, another time. It's not you, it's me. Perhaps we can visit again in February, for valentines day. Just for old times sake. But let's part friends cake. It's better for you and it's better for me. I need you to be something that you cannot be and so we must part ways.

I'll look forward to seeing you again. Until then, please don't call, don't visit and don't drop by.

Adieu.

Tuesday Weigh In

I'm pleased to report I'm down 2.2 lbs!

Oh yeah!

Oh yeah - I fit into my size 8 pants today!!!!

Weight Watchers Core Plan

So after many years on the Weight Watchers Flex Plan I've decided to move over and try Core. To understand the differences it's best to get an overview of each program.

Flex: You are assigned a certain number of points per day that are derived from a top-secret weight watchers calculation based on your current weight/age/activity level/gender. Each food has a point value assigned to it and you deduct it from your daily points. You also get 35 extra points each week to allow for going over your daily points.

Core: The core plan has no points. Instead you have a list of high fiber, minimally processed, low fat foods that you can eat from. The idea is that you can basically eat as much as you want but only when you are truly hungry and stopping when you are satisfied. You also get an additional 35 pts to use for items that are not on your list of approved core foods (i.e., the cheetos which are definately not high fiber good for you foods)

So I've switched to Core for a couple of reasons - primarily I'm bored with Flex. I've been doing it for a long time and wasn't finding it to be motivating. Secondly - with two boys at home under the age of 2 it's a bit hard to calculate every bite I put into my mouth. Just having a list of foods I know I can eat until I'm satisfied makes it much easier to make it through the day.

I'm on day 2 and it's going pretty well. I'm motivated and trying new recipes and just having a grand ol' time (as far as dieting goes)

Conversations

Yesterday Jackson, Jacob and I went with my mom to the dentist. Grandma was getting a tooth extracted so she needed someone to drive her to the office and back.

The boys were troopers - it was a LONG appt and there were very few toys for them to play with (mental note to self - always pack the portable DVD player). Jackson got a little feisty towards the end and stopped listening so I got down to his level, cupped his little chin so he paid attention to me and said in my best mommy is in control voice "Jackson, mama said 'no', do we have to have a conversation about listening?". He shook his head no and that was the end of that.

However, the security guard was watching and I swear, she was ready to call CPS on my butt if I so much as moved a little blond hair on his head. Now I"m not a big spanker or anything (in fact, if Jackson said he wanted a "conversation" with me, I'm not really sure what I would do) but I'm fairly sure it'd be a lot less painful than if he fell down the stairs which I what I was telling him not to play near.

Sometimes I think that people are so quick to jump on the "don't punish your children" bandwagon that they forget that if we don't give them boundaries much worse things are likely to happen than a sore butt or a "conversation".

So the weigh in wasn't too bad - 153.6. Not catastrophic but not great either.

On a plus note - I just saw these pictures of myself from last Sunday and I can honestly say I don't look too shabby.

It's Tuesday - time to weigh in. Crap.

This is my 3rd time on Weight Watchers. Obviously there is a pattern here but it's a positive one. Weight Watchers actually works! In 2004 I lost quite a bit of weight - 157 lbs down to a low of 122 and I kept it off for 2 1/2 years until I got pregnant with Jackson.

In 2007 I went from a high of 185 (delivery day with Jackson) to a low of 138 when surprise!, I got pregnant with Jacob. I delivered Jacob on June 22nd of this year at a high of 195 and am currently sitting right around 150.

Ideally I'd like to be right around 130 so I have about 20 more lbs to go. The problem is, this time the weight is just sticking to me. Also - for some reason my will power bites. The first time I lost the weight I was so gung-ho! I never had "bad" days, I rarely used my freebie flex points and I consistantly dropped 2-3 lbs a week. This time around its an uphill struggle and I'm not quite sure what the difference is... I don't want to be stuck at this weight - first off it's not healthy, second off - it's pretty unflattering on my somewhat compact little 5'4 frame.

I'm debating if perhaps I'm overloading myself? I have a goal to run a 1/2 marathon in March and I can barely struggle through 2 miles now (YIKES!) and I want to get down to 130 plus, I have 2 children under the age of 2. I might be a bit ambitious - but I want to believe in myself. The problem is, I can't make myself believe that I really believe...

"When she started teaching 31 years ago, she says, "I could make objective observations about my kids without parents getting offended. But now we handle parents a lot more delicately. We handle children a lot more delicately. They feel good about themselves for no reason. We've given them this cotton-candy sense of self with no basis in reality. We don't emphasize what's best for the greater good of society or even the classroom."

I am disturbed and concerned. Please don't berate my children for being children but don't handle them with kid-gloves. Help them become the people we know they can become not the people we fear that might become.

Because somewhere along the way I stopped believing that I could do amazing things...

I don't know why - but this just made me happy.

Gotta...

I've gotta get in shape. I'm mean, I'm in shape - it's just not a shape I want to own long term.

Current Shape - Kinda round, definately soft and cushy. Belly tends to "slosh" to one side when I lay down on my side. Standing up? Tummy definately hangs down. Love handles? Oh yeah - those hang down over my hips too. The other day I lifted them up with my hands and GASP, actually saw my hips and pondered what it would look like if I didn't have to hold up the love handles and they actually disappeared.

Desired Shape - Slightly rounded, femmy with a little bit of "I could kick your booty if I needed to - or at least put up a good fight". The tummy should still be a bit soft for Jack to lay his little head on - 'cause, let's be honest, mama's should be a bit squishy.

Goal: Get to desired shape and weight (130) by Jan 1. That's only 20 lbs... I can do this right? Oh, I'm motivated to get motivated...how do I get motivated? It's like I want that hot designer purse, I'm motivated to have it on my little arm but I lack the dedication to save for it. I'm a loser...and I want to lose weight...will the ironies never cease?